Forgive Me :'(

 

I’m about to lose the battle and cross the line
I’m about to make another mistake
And even though I try to stay away
Everything around me keeps dragging me in
I can’t help thinking to myself
What if my time would end today, today, today?
Can I guarantee that I will get another chance
Before it’s too late, too late, too late

Forgive me
My heart is so full of regret
Forgive me
Now is the right time for me to repent, repent, repent

Am I out of my mind?
What did I do? Oh, I feel so bad!
And every time I try to start all over again
My shame comes back to haunt me
I’m trying hard to walk away
But temptation is surrounding me, surrounding me
I wish that I could find the strength to change my life
Before it’s too late, too late, too late

I know O Allah You’re the Most-Forgiving
And that You’ve promised to
Always be there when I call upon You
So now I’m standing here
Ashamed of all the mistakes I’ve committed
Please don’t turn me away
And hear my prayer when I ask You to

 ~berdoa dan terus mengharapkan redha Illahi...~

Whisper: .... ~

Entri kali ini mungkin bunyinya agak peribadi. Mungkin ditafsir sentimental bagi sesetengah orang. Rasanya sudah agak lama aku tidak mencoretkan apa-apa, dan peristiwa hari ini membuatkan aku benar-benar memahami, yang seorang mak itu perlu bijak untuk menyimpan rasa hati sendiri.

Hari ini juga mengajar aku yang seorang bapa itu, biar semasa zaman anak yang sulung itu kecil, dia bersikap agak tegas, namun tatkala anak sulung itu sudah dewasa, seorang bapa itu sering sahaja menanyakan pendapat anaknya yang paling tua. Dan dalam keadaan apapun dia, akan tecari-cari dahulu di mana anak sulungnya berada, biar dia sedar yang sulung itulah paling jauh dari mata.      

Sesetengah insan sekelilingku sering saja melempar kata, "Ija anak yang sulung janganlah terlalu mudah menitiskan air mata, sembunyikan sahaja apa yang dirasa. Bimbang lemahnya kamu, menyebabkan adik-adik berambah kurang kuatnya."

Tapi hati kecilku meronta, kerana aku juga punyai air mata. Ya Allah, aku sayangkan dia keranaMu, maka percepatkanlah proses penyembuhannya.

 ~berdoa dan terus mengharapkan redha Illahi...~

Antara Dua~

"Sesuatu yang tak dijangka

seringkali mendatangi kita

itukah suratan dalam kehidupan

atau sekadar satu kebetulan"

While searching for the right path that will lead us to the right destination,  sometimes, there will come a time when we really need to choose between two paths. And making choice is not that easy. With all the uncertainties that may hurt or maybe can lead us towards happiness that we dreamed of all this while, making the right decision can turn to be the most complicated thing to do in our life.

"Walau kita dihadapkan

dengan berbagai pilihan 

mengapa sering terjadi

pilihan tak menepati 

hingga amat menakutkan

menghadapi masa depan"

But then, as a Muslim, we have the One that will always help us making the right choice through Istikharah. It's only depends on how strong the faith and trust that you have inside, that will help you the most in making the right choice, the best decision. Ya Allah, please gives me the strength, clear minds & strong faith in making the choice.

"kalau hati terasa berat, yakinlah, menunggu itu lebih baik, kerana hati harus rela" 

[ex-housemate, one fine morning, first day of march] 

~berdoa dan terus mengharapkan redha Illahi...~

February :)

February is reaching the end... And now, I am still here, waiting & learning something good..

While transferring the data from the information that we have collected few days ago & at the same time watching Semanis Kurma with a topic of "Cinta Baru Kekasih Lama", a quote by one of the panels caught my attention. 

"Apabila pasangan anda mula mencari orang lain untuk berkongsi cerita, periksalah diri sendiri."

It really reminds me of few stories that few people shared with me on how fragile love could be. And this reality, although it seems to be bitter & hard, but yeah, as what the panelist said, "kahwin itu pasangannya cerai, sebagaimana malam pasangannya siang".

Back to my story, waiting is actually not that exciting, although once you get it, you'll appreciate it more. And in the midst of waiting for something good, learning & trying doing many new stuffs is so interesting, like what I am doing now. :D

Seems like my writing skill is getting worst, maybe due to less reading, and hopefully I'll manage to finish read all the reading materials by the time I entering the end of this waiting moment :)

"Why worry when you still can pray?" :)

Happy belated 45th to my beloved mom. 21st February :)

 

 ~berdoa dan terus mengharapkan redha Illahi...~

Preview: Hafalan Solat Delisa~

"Delisa cinta umi kerana Allah..."

"Delisa cinta abi kerana Allah..."

"She lost her sisters, and she lost her leg, but she still playing football..."

 Spending my leisure time with my little Athirah watching this movie :) :) :)

"Leaving our past, appreciate the present & pray harder for a better future"

~berdoa dan terus mengharapkan redha Illahi...~

The Next Stage :) ~

10th January 2012, unofficially graduated from my university :)

Thanks to Allah, for always gives me the chances to improve myself through the ups & downs all these times. The next stage gonna be more challenging and I hope I can go through it with iman & taqwa. Currently in Kuala Lumpur for some good reasons, & tomorrow I'm gonna fly to Kota Bharu for another series of traveling. 

Ya Allah, please take good care of us :') 

Sweet Langkawi memory of mine [14-15 January 2012]

Dear CJ7-ians & my batchmates, till we meet again, InsyaAllah~ All the best in your future endeavors. :)

To those who always bear patiently with me, may Allah grants you with eternal happiness & from the bottom of my heart, I would like to thanks you for it...  Appreciate it so much...

To the current owner of NBG 2181, WLX 3540, AGJ 5753 & CBK 5958, thank you for everything. May Allah gives you the best rewards, in both dunia wa akhirat~

~berdoa dan terus mengharapkan redha Illahi...~

Whisper: Untitled~

Often, we expect too much. But do less. Until one time, we do not realize that we've hurt others indirectly through our non-verbal language. Do not bother about the verbal ones, because it can hurt others more than triple times as non-verbal does. Until the others do not bother anymore and trying to persuade themselves to accept us as as who we are. And reaching this ending line, we just realize & it seems to be too late to realize.

How fragile trust can be, until we can turn all the good memories into an empty can just because of one deed or maybe just one statement. How brittle our love is, when it can turn into hatred just because of one scene that sometimes, we also do not why it happens. Too sad to admit that we have too weak the sense of acceptance, when we finally choose to ignore the people around us, just because we already tired to hold their hand, lending our ears to hear what their problems are...

Trying to put ourselves into others' shoes is not that easy. It's not about the matters that we only need to consider, but the causes, the reasons, the surroundings and the feelings of others in that current situations as well. And finally, we don't have any other options except to be grateful for being who we are...

Towards reaching this ending line, I finally find thousands reasons on how grateful I shall be, instead of finding even one reason to feel regret of what my past had lies. Because life is all about moving on, regardless how much the pain that you feel inside...

We have to let people make mistake, 

and trust that they will realize it, 

and correct it in time by themselves.

[Mike Scholey]

~berdoa dan terus mengharapkan redha Illahi...~